Photos by MarElly from Happy Thoughts Studios
6 Ways to Solidify Your Mother Daugther Relationship
I have to confess, I was pretty disappointed when I first found out that Bella was a girl. My disappointment was based on fear; I was so afraid that I would never be able to love her like she deserved. I didn’t want to carry on generational curses, nor the dysfunctional mother – daugther relationships that I had grown up with. Not that I was abused, but I grew up lacking a relationship with my mom. We weren’t close at all, we didn’t know how to communicate, or hug…I didn’t want to carry on the legacy that she had learned from her mother -who was very unkind with her. I didn’t want to be that mom, I didn’t want that mother – daugther relationship -so I wanted a boy and not a girl.
But all it took was one look. As she was placed in my arms, I looked into her eyes and I fell in love, like I never knew I could fall in love with anyone. It was just a different type of love. From that moment I made a commitment to have a deep and meaningful relationship with my daugther. Looking back, I wouldn’t change having a little girl for anything in the world.
I purposely began to do these 6 things with my daugther, from a very young age. No matter how uncomfortable, new or strange it was for me. I was determined to grow as woman, as a new mom…and eventually as a daugther. These 6 habits have changed my life; my daugther and we have had an amazing relationship -kind of like a Rory and Lorelai Gilmore’s relationship…but what was amazing is, that they have changed the relationship between my mom and I as well. My mom admired me as a mom, she has always praised how I am as a mom; and y’all she has changed towards me. More loving, more affectionate more communicative…it’s been a huge change. I am amazed how investing in my daugther, pouring into her can change so many generations. Check out, the 6 ways that can help solidify your mother daugther relationship +I hope that they will transform or establish an amazing relationship with your child.
1. ROLE MODEL
Model your life, for she will become the woman you are.
One thing that I was very aware of was my behavior towards my child. You see the way that we moms model our lives, will determine the kind of woman they become. We are the first influencers in our daugther’s life. Even from a young age kids watch everything that we do. They learn by imitating or mimicking what we do. Our actions and behavior are more powerful than our words.
2. WORDS ARE SWORDS
Words can tear down, words can lift up.
Let’s not minimize the power of words. Words can tear down, words can lift up. Use your words carefully around your daugther, make words count by using them to build her up.
The world will always tell our daughters how she measures up or doesn’t measure up. I strongly believe that moms have such a powerful voice in a kid’s life. Let us be constantly reminding our daughters of their worth.
3. LISTEN WITHOUT INTERRUPTION
Listening is an action. It requires us to deny ourselves and focus on the person talking. I am still trying to master the art of listening, I really want to be a woman who is slow to speak and eager to listen -without interrupting. Listen to your daughters, allows them to open up and know that they are loved.
While it is so tempting to give advice, listen first and give advice at a later moment. We cultivate love in our girls, when they notice that we love them so much that we are willing to sit and really listen to them.
4. TAKE OUT TIME
That which consumes most of your time, is that which you value most.
This one is a hard one to accept. I know there are a million of great reasons and excuses for this one. I am not here to judge you. I just want to give a friendly reminder that we have been given a precious gift – all daugther’s are precious & invaluable and they require time. Girls strive, and glow when we give them our love… and love is spelled T.I.M.E. There is nothing on earth that can replace the attention & love given from a mother to a child.
5. DATE YOUR DAUGTHER
Since we just spoke about TIME, I wanted to suggest scheduling in some time to spend with your daugther. Quality time – un-interrupted time, away from cellphones or other friends – no distractions. You and her time…its also a great time to put to practice the other suggestions that I have mentioned above. If you start this at an early age, its easier to build that relationship. But if the relationship is broken or non-existent – this dating period might be a little more challenging. Remember, It is okay to just sit and be with each other at first; and then build from there.
5. BE THE CONVERSATION STARTER
Be the conversation starter. Show genuine interest. As in – no cell phone, all or nothing. Ask and listen. Be open minded and remember, you might not like the response to the questions you are asking – but at the moment, be a listener. Later on, when the time is right, and you have taken time to meditate on your answer – revisit the question. Sometimes pausing, taking a step back and doing things in the right time, is more effective than impulsive answers, yelling or even frustrations. Nurturing relationships, take a lot of work – your relationship with your daugther is no different. But remember, that it is an important relationship, one that you want to nurture and grow!
Finally be encouraged. This all takes time and practice…
My relationship with Bella is very special because we both have worked hard at making it so. One of the hardest lessons for me as a mom is learning to apologize to my child. Yes, we do make mistakes. Yes, moms are wrong from time to time and it is in those times when it is vital for us to apologize.
I remember the first time I hurt Bella -surprisingly the details behind the incident have escaped my memory. I think I said something mean or out of place and I hurt her feelings. I remember the internal battle I had – “apologize to my daugther? why? she is only a child” then I paused. You see it was at this very moment that I realized that this was me teaching my sweet child how to behave in life. I went to her and I apologized. It was hard, but I did it and I meant it. I didn’t give her any excuses, I just apologized.
From that moment on Bella has learned to apologize. Even when she is the most frustrated with me, she will come in tears, burry her head on my chest and ask me to forgive her. Its the relationship we have worked so hard to nurture. I hope that you too can put to practice some of these tips and strive to have a solid relationship with your daugther.
There is no better medicine than laughter
Did I mention how important it is to laugh together? Well I didn’t want to change the tittle, so I am sharing this final habit with you as a bonus ;) – Laugh!!! Teach your daugther to laugh at herself. To laugh out loud, to laugh in silence, to find a reason to smile, each and everyday. It is so good for the soul.
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