when strong women break
A couple of weeks ago I had a mental break down. Ya’ll I lost my shit! In a big way, I am talking ugly crying, red face, that weird sobbing sound that comes out in a way you can’t control, runny nose – I am talking the works here. The details of what brought me to that point are not really important – because this isn’t just about me, its about you too. Its about all strong women and how we are expected to keep our sh!t together all the time and not break down when we have had enough.
Well, we break! We crumble, because we are –after all– fully human -made of emotions, mentally brilliant, multitasking divas- but fully human. We might have the capability to take on more than others. We might be capable of handling & processing harsh situations. We might be better equipped than other women to handle rejection, abandonment and being omitted…but because we are fully human we still feel the pain. Eventually, the accumulation of that pain, causes even strongest of women to break. We all have our breaking point.
its okay to break down
It does not need to be said, but I am going to say it anyways. It is okay to break down. I lost my sh!t in the privacy of my car & in front of one of my dearest friends. I removed myself from the group setting that I was in and privately dealt with the emotional tsunami that followed. I abruptly removed myself from a situation where I was going to react and say words that would forever be socially recorded -let’s be honest, these days, we are not allowed to loose our sh!t in public -someone will record it, store it and re-share it. Just a fact of our current social reality. So be wise, hold on and release when you find a safe-house.
filling my own cup?
As I was living thru this particular break down and prayerfully seeking answers and going through this internal journey of healing and restoration – I began to wonder why so much is expected of us? I feel like it came as a surprise to those around me that I broken down. Am I suppose to never break down? Am I here to uplift, care and be there for others but not expect the same in return? Am I the only strong woman that has lived this? So when I fall apart I have to fill my cup on my own? As I am writing this, I am debating whether or not to tell you, what the answer to that last question is/was for my life. Because, while I want to be fully transparent and honest with you, my answer might not bring you, the right mental clarity, answers, and solutions that you are looking for in your own, personal, journey. The fact the remains, that your cup cannot remain empty.
empty cups, watering holes and mirages
The reality is your cup needs to be re-filled and it is up to you to refill it. You need to heal after a mental break down. You, alone, will have to figure out how to heal, deal and move on. Personally, and because of my spiritual belief in Jesus, I run to Him. But in essence – there is no other person who can help you but yourself. In being fully transparent with you, there are two things that will happen, you will either run to a watering hole or run towards a mirage. What happens next will determine a lot for you. It will have the potential to empower you or to destroy you. To allow you to win more victories or to make you loose battle after battle in your war.
Watering holes are those things, people, activities that replenish your soul, mind and spirit. After a breakdown look for such things, people, activities and/or places. Take the time to heal. Healing is not weakness, it is just a way of sharpening your “sword”, your “armor”, and strengthening your mental “muscles”.
I have been working out enough to know, that lifting weights causes your muscles to tear and break down. This breakage causes soreness. When you are in that sore stage; water, proper nutrition and rest are essential to muscle restoration. When the muscle heals, it becomes stronger –but the only way to make a muscle stronger is by breaking it down and forcing it to recover. Just like your body needs rest after lifting heavy weights – so does your mind need a watering hole after a mental breakdown.
In the end, you need to work on recognizing those things that got you to this breaking point. For me, I could not get over how speaking up with the truth, could cause so much rejection. But I had to let go of that and accept that doing the right thing was the right thing to do – and that was a game changer for me. That was the beginning on making me mentally strong again.
A mirage in this case – is the things, the people or the activities that you run towards, that keep disappearing. The farther you run, the longer your stride -the bigger the disappointment. It is hard to believe and accept that we are surrounded by mirages. That we tend to build our trust and faith on that which disappears. I have heard it described as a man who builds his house on sand, vs the man who builds his house on a rock – one is dependable in stormy nights, the other washes away.
My situation shed light on watering holes and the mirages in my life and it has made me a stronger woman. I have learned that strong women can break. I have learned that it is okay and healthy, necessary even, for a strong woman to break. It makes us stronger.
How to heal?
- Essential oils
- Spa Day
- Talking to a friend
- prayer and meditation
- Support group